another state of the union...

Hello again. A fair amount of time has passed since my last post, and yet relatively little has changed. Aside from the cold that I am now battling, my problems are pretty much the same. Some have improved, in a way, while others have worsened, but either way it is far from all bad. In fact, I believe that there are some genuinely positive consequences to be had.

I'll start by discussing my problems at work. It's as good a place as any, especially considering that this seems to be all that some people would have me write about. I am sad to inform them, however, that lately I have hardly been the firebrand muckraker that they would have me be. That's because I seem to have found a steady footing at work. Don't get me wrong. I realize others haven't been so lucky, but as long as I can remain standing without contributing to the downfall of others, I'll do what I've gotta do. Of course, I know that it's something of an illusion. It's like I'm walking on a tightrope suspended in midair as the net falls apart and the whole circus collapses around me. I've kept my balance thus far, but it still feels like the whole thing might give way at anytime. Thank the gods, then, for my co-workers. I know that I work with a number of skillful, nimble, and charismatic trapeze artists who will happily swoop in to give me a helping hand, just as I would them. We're a solid act. If only we weren't working without that net.

As stressful as work can be lately, though, my more immediate problem is finding a new place come March. You know, March. It's that month that's only 11 days away. Suffice it to say, I have not made much progress at this point. Granted, I have been in this situation before and managed to pull something acceptable out of a hat at the last minute. Still, given all the specifics of this situation, I can't help but think that if there was ever a time that I could end up homeless, even briefly, this could be it. Of course, I know I have plenty of friends and family out there who care enough about me to make sure I don't end up on the streets, but if I can't find a viable solution pretty quick, things are definitely not going to be easy for me anytime soon. This of course only adds to the stress which I am experiencing elsewhere in my life.

All of that aside, things aren't so bad otherwise. My social life has been picking up a bit lately. I've also been reconnecting with old friends online. The sense of alienation and ennui that often plague me still creep up every now and then, but I've been finding ways to combat them. In fact, recent events, good and bad, seem to be conspiring in order to help me reprogram my brain and allow me to break out of certain destructive or unproductive patterns. I'm starting to realize that I can't take anything for granted, and for a long time I've been doing too much of that, in too many aspects of my life. The more I stop depending on anything to be safe, stable, and reliable, the more I see possibilities opening up. Some of those possibilities are frightening, even dangerous, but at least they stand as a reminder that there are alternatives out there. I don't need to be a slave to habit and routine. These days I can't be. It's not in the job description. Most importantly, I realize that it's not to late to change the way I approach my life and if I do it boldly, with eyes wide open and arms outstretched, good things could potentially result from it. Now that I've prepared myself to embrace whatever journey awaits me, it is only a matter of choosing my path. I look forward to it. I just need to find myself a place to live first.